In my many years as a family law attorney in Illinois, most clients come to me ready to divorce—preferably yesterday. They are coming from unhappy, but not overly acrimonious, marriages. No one is throwing clothes out the window, crashing cars, or setting anything on fire. For most couples, splitting up isn’t about drama. Rather, it’s about discontentment, frustration, and disappointment. They are ready to move on with their lives. ASAP!
The Challenges of Traditional Divorce
So, imagine how disappointed they are when I tell them that a normal divorce usually takes upwards of a year, and more likely between one and two years, to resolve all of their issues, particularly if there is anything contentious or conflicting that might require third-party resolution. For many, that news is devastating. But when the only option you know about is litigation, then what options do you have?
Exploring Alternatives
In actuality, there is more than one way to finalize a divorce. When deciding how to proceed with your divorce, it’s important to know that you do have options. With the goal of shortening the timeline, lowering the cost, and reducing the conflict, many family law practitioners began developing the process of collaborative divorce. The idea of being able to help my clients achieve their goal of divorce with less conflict and more cooperation is what drew me to the collaborative divorce process. That is why I completed the Collaborative Divorce Illinois training and became a fellow in 2023, with the long-term goal of maintaining my litigation practice while expanding my alternative resolution practice through collaborative divorce and mediation.
What Is Collaborative Divorce?
Collaborative divorce was created and developed by multiple professionals working with couples going through divorce, from attorneys to therapists to financial planners, who recognized the positive impact that working together, i.e., collaboratively, can have on the divorce process. It is a process wherein a multi-disciplinary team of professionals works together to help the parties reach settlements that will facilitate the dissolution of their marriage. These professionals band together to form teams to meet and work with both spouses to help them divide their financial assets and debts and, if applicable, decide how the parties will divide decision-making responsibility and parenting time with their children. The team’s goal is to provide holistic services and support to guide the family through the divorce process without litigation or judicial intervention.
A Team Approach to Divorce
At its core, the Divorce Collaborative Team consists of a social worker or other mental health specialists, who would serve in the role of Divorce Coach and attorneys for both spouses and the couple. Recognizing the way that emotions often impact decision-making in divorce, the Divorce Coach is tasked with helping the couple communicate more effectively while protecting the emotional health of each party. In some cases that are significantly more acrimonious, each party could have a Divorce Coach or other mental health professional tasked with assisting and supporting one party. While the attorneys each represent and advocate for only one party, they facilitate the sharing of information between the spouses and avoid the secrecy that is often present in litigation.
Beyond these core professionals, the Team can also consist of a Financial Neutral who helps the parties create separate budgets and divide their existing assets and debts. A Child Specialist is sometimes brought on when the parents are having difficulty making decisions about and for their children or if the children need a professional to provide input on their behalf. One of the Team’s jobs is determining what additional professionals are necessary or would be beneficial to allow the parties to finalize their divorce through the collaborative process and not turn to litigation. This is because each member of the Team signs an agreement that if the parties fail at collaboration, none of the professionals can participate further in their divorce. At the very least, that means the spouses would have to find new attorneys and possibly other experts, depending on the nature of their case.
Collaborative divorce illinois has grown in popularity and practice because its practitioners have consistently found that facilitating open communication, providing emotional support, and encouraging the sharing of information substantially reduced the amount of conflict between the divorcing couple. This benefited the parties, their children, and even their extended families. Removing the secrecy and gamesmanship of litigation allows couples to behave more like a family and less like opponents, which, for many families, can have benefits that last for generations.
Learning about the positive impact that collaborative divorce can have on couples and families is what drew me to collaborative divorce illinois after years of being a litigator. While I haven’t given up litigation and agree that, for some couples, it is the most appropriate way to dissolve a marriage, I appreciate being able to offer my clients the opportunity to choose the method that they believe works best for them and their families. Divorce is not a one-size-fits-all process. Every couple’s issues, conflicts, and goals are different. For many, their priority is to maintain or rebuild their relationship with their spouse to best co-parent their children. For others, it is the desire to preserve and protect inter-family relationships after the divorce. Others just wanted the ability to divorce more peacefully, less angrily, and with substantially fewer risks than the judicial system offers.
It is my belief that collaboration gives clients more control over their divorce, which in turn gives them more control over their outcomes. It also gives them greater control over the timeline of their divorce instead of leaving finalization up to the judge and their calendar. It also gives clients a greater sense of investment in the process, rather than leaving the arguments to attorneys and the decision to the judge. Collaborative divorce allows spouses to take back control, which empowers clients to make better decisions for themselves and their families. As a family law attorney, preserving the family is the optimal outcome, which is also the central reason I decided to become a collaborative law practitioner.
