The term “father’s rights” stirs up a lot of different emotions in the areas of family law. The concept is rooted in the court system’s long history of prioritizing and favoring mothers over fathers (one of the only areas where women were ever considered at an advantage under the law). For many decades, most judges and attorneys held the conservative presumption that children “needed” to be with their mother and that somehow their upbringing would be incomplete or incorrect if the child did not spend most of their time with mom. For moms, this attitude often buoyed their arguments by imbuing them with the belief that they were, inherently, the optimal parent to raise the children simply because they were “mom”. Alternately, this attitude left many fathers feeling discriminated against and shut out of their children’s lives because of their gender. The gender stereotypes that surrounded parenting and were closely held in society until quite recently, relegated many dads to a significantly less important role in their children’s lives. As a result, many children grew up with only minimal contact with their fathers and experienced negative impacts.
Over the last thirty years, presumptions and stereotypes surrounding the important benefits of a child having two active and involved parents (when possible) have significantly shifted and evolved. Now, most judges recognize that child-rearing is not defined by gender, and that fathers share the same capacity as mothers to love and care for their children. Any attorney worth their salt is going to understand that fathers share equal value as parents. As courts and practitioners have also been able to recognize the benefit that children receive when they have two invested parents in their lives, the general attitude has shifted towards allocating fathers more responsibility and parenting time (formerly known as “custody” in Illinois) with their children.
Currently, the legal presumption in many courtrooms and among many families is that the parents should have equal parenting time with the children, or close to it—if that has been the arrangement and agreement during the marriage. It is important to acknowledge that much of this shift is attributable to the work of father’s rights lawyers, like Anderson Boback & Marshall, who have tirelessly fought to ensure fair and equal treatment for dads as well as moms. When choosing an attorney who will advocate for you, as a father, be sure you do not make the mistake of automatically accept the outdated stereotypes about who constitutes a father’s rights attorney or assume they all practice the same way, either.
Debunking Some Popular Presumptions about Father’s Rights Attorneys:
1. Hiring a father’s rights attorney is unnecessary if the parents have an amicable relationship.
Do not assume that because the offer from your ex is presented in a friendly way, it is fair or what is best for the kids. Most often, the first offer from the other parent represents their ideal parenting time schedule or close to it. Just because it is offered nicely does not mean it is something you should accept. You need a lawyer to talk to you about your rights as a father and current legal trends in the division of parenting time before you can make an informed decision about a parenting time schedule.
3. A father’s rights attorney is only needed in a contentious court case.
Not all parents come to court at each other’s throats, which is a good thing. Whenever possible, we encourage people to work out agreements regarding their children. It is always better for parents to work together to resolve disputes and avoid leaving decisions up to a judge, who is a stranger to their family. But just because you and your ex have some ability to work things out does not mean that settlement is always the best option or will net the best result. A good attorney experienced in working with fathers will know when it is time to fight and when settlement is the right choice to gain the best outcome.
3. Father’s rights attorneys are aggressive and only escalate conflicts.
It is important to recognize that every practitioner who fights for fathers and seeks equity in parenting between parents is an advocate of father’s rights. Don’t get bogged down in the stereotypes and assumptions here, either. When choosing an attorney to advocate for you in court, as a father, be sure that your primary focus is on finding someone knowledgeable, experienced, and understanding of your specific situation. Not everything needs to be or should be, a fight. Escalating conflict can have long-term repercussions for your entire family, and an experienced and knowledgeable father’s rights attorney will know that. They will understand how to advocate effectively for you, without making everything contentious.
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4. Father’s rights attorneys only focus on custody battles.
While the most heated battles over parenting revolve around the division of parenting time, it is important to know that there are also important issues surrounding decision-making in the areas of medical treatment, education, religion, and participation in extracurricular activities. There is also the issue of division of the children’s expenses in these areas of decision-making, as well as child support. An experienced attorney will know that parenting time is only one of the important issues that need to be resolved as part of a divorce or parenting case, and will be sure to go over all of those issues with you to ensure a fair outcome under the law.
At Anderson, Boback & Marshall, we fight for dads like you every day. Don’t make the mistake of believing that father’s rights attorneys only have one gender, one attitude, and one method of practice. The important thing is knowing that you have an attorney who backs you as a person and a parent, and at ABM, we do this for all of our clients.
