We all have our vices. In the context of a marriage, certain addictions can place significant strain on the relationship and may contribute to divorce. Some common addictions that can negatively impact marriages include gambling, excessive internet and gaming, pornography, and sexual addiction.
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These types of addictions can be incredibly challenging for the non-addicted spouse to cope with. Leaving someone with this type of illness can feel like you are leaving someone with a more traditionally-accepted illness, like cancer. It can trigger feelings of guilt, that you are choosing yourself over your partner who is ill. It can feel like a betrayal of your religious beliefs or your beliefs in the importance of marriage. It’s important to remember those feelings – as powerful as they are – are not the objective reality of your marriage. Frequently, when a partner has receded to the point where their addiction is their 24/7 activity and motivation, the marriage has already ended and all that is needed is a divorce case to commemorate that. This is not a personal or ethical failing; it is an unfortunate condition that has already taken the marriage away from you.
Common Addictions and Their Impact on Marriage and Divorce
Let’s discuss the most common addictions, their symptoms, and their impacts on a marriage.
Gambling Addiction
You are going to be wondering if you can be held responsible for your spouse’s gambling debts. In Illinois, all debts accrued during your marriage are presumed to be shared by the parties in a marriage. You can ask the Court to allocate all of the debts of your partner’s gambling addiction to your partner, as you had no role in accruing such debt. However, the Court may divide that debt between the two of you. For that reason, it is a good idea to cut your losses as soon as you can in divorcing a person with a gambling addiction – wherever your debt is now, it is likely to be higher a year from now.
Internet and Gaming Addiction
It can be hard to watch your spouse recede from the marriage and any issues you wanted to work on together into a world of fantasy and exploration with no marital problems present. Coming home to find your spouse sitting in the same chair, in front of the same computer, neglecting all responsibilities is disheartening. The scenario is concerning and can be infuriating. It can feel like your spouse has chosen a fantasy over the real world with you in it. This type of addiction can lead to divorce. Frequently, gaming addiction is the result of an underlying mental health issue like depression or anxiety. There is no shame in admitting that a marriage with a person addicted to video games is not working and deciding to end the marriage.
Pornography Addiction
A pornography addiction can be highly damaging within a marriage. When a spouse compares their partner to pornographic actors or uses pornography instead of engaging in real intimacy, it can feel hurtful and like a betrayal. The addicted spouse may prioritize masturbation and pornography over their partner, leaving the non-addicted spouse feeling rejected.
Furthermore, a pornography addiction can intrude on other areas of life, including work and parenting responsibilities. The addicted individual may be unable to stop viewing pornography, even when they should be caring for children or working.
This type of addiction is particularly challenging to address due to the sensitive and taboo nature of the subject matter. Pornography addiction is not always recognized as a legitimate clinical condition. This can make it harder for the non-addicted spouse to get the understanding and support they need.
If a spouse’s pornography addiction is interfering with their ability to fulfill work or parenting obligations, it may be necessary to take legal action to protect your children and financial assets. The well-being and safety of the family should be the top priority when dealing with this complex issue.
Sexual Addiction
Sexual addiction can be a destructive force in a marriage. If your spouse regularly demands or coerces sex from you in a way that goes against your desires, even multiple times per day, this creates an unhealthy and unsustainable dynamic.
You should not feel obligated to remain in a marriage where your bodily autonomy is not respected. The constant pressure to satisfy your spouse’s sexual urges, regardless of your own wishes, can put you at risk. This creates an impossible situation – either you submit to their demands, or they may seek sexual gratification elsewhere, potentially exposing you to health risks.
Sexual addiction is notoriously difficult to treat, and the recovery process can be long and arduous, if successful at all. You have the right to prioritize your own well-being and safety.
If you are considering leaving a spouse with an addiction, remember that it is not your fault. You did not cause their addiction, nor did you contribute to its development. Deciding to move on and focus on the next phase of your life is not a betrayal or failure – it is an act of self-preservation.
Moving Forward with Empathy and Support
If you are dealing with a spouse’s addiction and considering divorce, remember that you are not to blame. You did not cause their addiction, nor are you responsible for their recovery. Prioritizing your own safety and well-being is not a failure – it is an act of self-preservation.
When facing divorce due to addiction, consult an experienced family law attorney who can guide you through the process and protect your rights. They can advise you on issues like debt allocation, child custody, and support. Don’t wait to seek help – the sooner you take action, the better you can position yourself for a healthy future.
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