Recent statistics show that divorce rates among couples over 50 have doubled since the 1990s. This phenomenon, often called “gray divorce,” comes with unique challenges and considerations. Many older couples contemplating divorce often have questions about their options and the implications of each choice. This post outlines common questions we receive from older couples considering divorce (Gray Divorce).
Table of Contents
- What Challenges Do Older Couples Face in Divorce (Gray Divorce)?
- Dependent Children
- Financial and Retirement Concerns
- What Are the Financial Implications for Older Divorcing Couples?
- Social Security Benefits
- Dividing Retirement Accounts
- How does ‘Gray Divorce’ impact retirement plans
- Tax Implications
- Health Insurance Considerations
- Estate Planning After Divorce
- Long-Term Care Planning
- Empty Nest Syndrome
- Alternative Resolution Options for Older Couples
- Legal Separation: A Middle Ground
- Annulment: Is it an option?
- Are there Non-Confrontational Negotiation Techniques?
- Post-Divorce Life
- Grandparents’ Rights
What Challenges Do Older Couples Face in Divorce (Gray Divorce)?
Dependent Children
It is not uncommon for married couples to wait until they are older to proceed with a divorce. Often, these couples wait until their children are grown, believing the divorce will have less impact on their children or make the situation easier. In some ways, this is correct. When older couples divorce with adult children, they do not have to fight over the allocation of parental responsibilities or a parenting time schedule. However, adult children are still impacted by their parents’ divorce. Holidays can become uncomfortable, and adult children may feel torn between spending time with one parent or the other. Family milestone celebrations, such as graduations, weddings, birthday parties, and funerals, can also be awkward, regardless of the children’s age.
Financial and Retirement Concerns
There are also financial challenges for older couples who are contemplating divorce. For one thing, if the parties had not been contemplating the divorce for a long time, they may have planned for a dual retirement in one household. They may find that the money they thought they had saved in retirement accounts is now halved, for example, and that they can no longer afford to maintain their household on the income their retirement accounts and social security will provide. Additionally, someone who believed they were close to retirement may learn that they suddenly won’t have the money necessary to be able to retire when they initially wanted to due to the divorce taking place.
There are additional challenges when older couples have an age gap, too. Someone may be eligible to retire and receive social security much sooner than the other, while the younger party continues to be employed. When parties are both retired, there generally is not a maintenance issue because there is no “income” for which someone can pay maintenance, But when one party continues to work and one party retires, that door could possibly be opened.
If the parties are already retired and on a fixed income, it contemplates the process further. Additionally, if one party acts in a caretaker capacity for the other party, there are further concerns. Guardianship cases may need to be opened if someone who is divorcing cannot make decisions for themselves, or if they find that their caretaker is leaving.
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What Are the Financial Implications for Older Divorcing Couples?
Even after divorce, you may be eligible for benefits based on your ex-spouse’s work record if you were married for at least 10 years.
Dividing Retirement Accounts
Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDROs) are often necessary to divide 401(k)s and pension plans. Here’s what you need to know.
How does ‘Gray Divorce’ impact retirement plans
In a gray divorce, retirement savings are often the biggest point of contention. Dividing these accounts can drastically alter each spouse’s financial future, particularly if they were counting on those funds to support a single household. Additionally, any withdrawals from retirement accounts may carry tax penalties, which can significantly reduce the value of these assets. A Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) is necessary to divide certain retirement accounts, like 401(k)s or pensions, to ensure both parties receive their share without unnecessary penalties.
Tax Implications
Every financial decision made during a divorce comes with tax implications. Consult with a tax advisor to understand the consequences of various options, such as alimony payments and retirement account distributions.
Health Insurance Considerations
If your spouse’s health insurance covers you, you may need to find alternative coverage if you divorce before becoming eligible for Medicare. Options include COBRA, employer-provided insurance, or state healthcare exchanges.
Estate Planning After Divorce
Divorce necessitates a complete reevaluation of your estate plan. Update your will, healthcare proxy, and beneficiary designations to reflect your new circumstances.
Long-Term Care Planning
Divorce can affect long-term care insurance and planning. Ensure you have a plan in place for future healthcare needs, especially if you were relying on your spouse for care. Older divorcing couples should consider options such as purchasing long-term care insurance or making arrangements for assisted living, should the need arise.
Additionally, divorce may impact legal decision-making if one spouse has been designated as a healthcare proxy or power of attorney. It’s critical to update these documents to reflect your new situation and ensure that someone you trust will be responsible for your health-related decisions in the future.
Empty Nest Syndrome
Empty nest syndrome can contribute to divorce among older couples. As children leave home, couples may find they have grown apart and decide to separate.
Alternative Resolution Options for Older Couples
Legal Separation: A Middle Ground
Some older couples opt for a legal separation instead of a divorce. This is most common when couples want to live apart and be legally separated, but they do not want to divorce because it will terminate a benefit they receive. Perhaps they can obtain health insurance coverage through their spouse if they are not yet on Medicaid/Medicare, and they want to be able to maintain that private health coverage. Or, perhaps they are very religious, and their religious beliefs prevent them from divorcing. A legal separation is an option.
a legal separation, the court can establish support (maintenance), and the parties become legally separated. However, the court does not typically divide property unless both parties agree to it. Many people mistakenly believe they must be legally separated before divorcing, but that’s not true in Illinois. You can divorce without first obtaining a legal separation, and it’s not required in every situation.
Annulment: Is it an option?
Simply put: likely not. Illinois Courts do not favor Annulments. Usually, one has to prove one of the following to obtain an annulment:
- that the marriage was not consummated,
- that the marriage took place without consent (i.e. both parties were intoxicated, for example),
- that the marriage was by a minor without parental consent, or
- that the marriage is prohibited by law.
Generally, none of these factors would be applicable to an older couple, unless the marriage was new and extremely brief and something from the above list applied.
Are there Non-Confrontational Negotiation Techniques?
Certainly, and these apply to all cases, not just those with older couples. However, older couples generally are very conscientious of their finances and given that many are no longer working by the time they seek divorce, it is in their best interests to preserve their nest egg.
Mediation is by far the best way to resolve these cases without incurring the expense of litigation. Many capable mediators can work directly with the parties, with or without the involvement of their attorneys, to settle all matters and come to a resolution. Additionally, often mediation may not be necessary, and the parties can work out an agreement together. In those situations, an attorney subsequently transforms the agreements into proper documents. The attorneys can often work together to resolve all issues.
Settlement conferences can help resolve cases when parties reach an impasse. If needed, a judge may join the settlement conference to offer additional guidance, often called a pretrial conference. Before attorneys can attend a pretrial conference, the case must be formally filed. During the conference, both attorneys present their client’s arguments, and the judge provides feedback on what they would likely decide at trial. Hearing the judge’s perspective often motivates the parties to reach a settlement.
Post-Divorce Life
Rebuilding social networks and finding a new purpose after a long marriage ends can be challenging. Consider joining social groups or clubs to build a supportive network of friends and acquaintances.
Grandparents’ Rights
Maintaining relationships with grandchildren post-divorce can be a concern. Ensure you understand your rights and work towards amicable arrangements to stay involved in their lives.
If you are an older couple exploring alternatives to divorce, contact Anderson Boback & Marshall today for a consultation. Our experienced divorce and family law attorneys will guide you through your options and help you find the best solution for your situation.
