Key Takeaways
- Empathy is not the opposite of effectiveness in family law litigation. It is a strategic skill that strengthens case preparation and client advocacy.
- A measured litigation style that prioritizes professionalism over aggression saves clients money, time, and emotional energy.
- Many clients cannot advocate for themselves after years of conflict. Their attorney should carry that weight and structure agreements that reduce future confrontation.
- Family law has evolved significantly in the past 16 years. Remote work, shifting financial dynamics, and more women entering the field have transformed how cases are handled.
- Settlement is almost always better than a judgment imposed by a stranger. Wherever agreement is possible, experienced attorneys pursue it.
Every year around International Women’s Day, conversations about women in the workplace tend to center on representation and access. Those conversations matter. But in family law, the more interesting question is not just whether women are in the room. It is what they bring when they get there.
A few weeks ago, I heard a story that made me smile and then nod in recognition.
A couple sitting at dinner was approached by two well-dressed women at the next table. Within minutes, these strangers were recommending desserts, buying them Prosecco, and talking with infectious passion about their work. The couple stayed until midnight. The women were family law attorneys.
That story does not surprise me in the least. Anyone from my office could have been sitting at that table. We are a type.
But behind the warmth and the willingness to weigh in on the crème brûlée is something far more substantive: a particular set of skills, instincts, and values that female attorneys bring to family law. For clients navigating some of the hardest moments of their lives, those qualities are not just nice to have. They are often the difference between feeling lost in a legal process and feeling genuinely supported through it.
Compassion Is Not a Soft Skill in Family Law. It Is a Strategic One.
There is a misconception that empathy and effectiveness exist on opposite ends of a spectrum in litigation. In family law, I would argue they are inseparable.
When a client comes into my office, they are often at one of the lowest points of their life. They are scared, exhausted, and unsure of who to trust. The ability to sit with that, to truly hear what they are telling you and pull out the details that matter, is not a courtesy. It is integral to building a case.
Female attorneys, in my experience, tend to bring an uncommon level of attentiveness to these conversations. We listen not just for the facts, but for the full picture. We notice what is said and what is not. We remember. And later, when it counts, we use it.
I often tell people: does your wife not remember every single thing you have done wrong, the date, the time, what you were wearing? That attention to detail is not a quirk. It is a skill set that translates directly into meticulous case preparation and strategic advocacy.
Why Keeping the Peace Is a Power Move in Divorce Litigation
My litigation style has always been guided by one principle: a little honey goes a long way.
When I work with an opposing attorney, even one I find genuinely difficult, they will never know it. What they will get is professionalism, measured communication, and a complete poker face. Not because I am passive, but because I understand that when you come in ready to fight, people escalate. And escalation costs clients money, time, and emotional energy they do not have to spare.
There is also a strategic dimension to this approach. I am not going to lay out my entire game plan on a phone call with opposing counsel. I will get the information I need, deflect what I do not want to share, and stay completely cordial the entire time. When I walk into a hearing, they still will not know exactly what is coming.
That balance of being firm on strategy and measured in delivery is something I have carried throughout 16 years of practice. It is not about being soft. It is about being smart.
When Clients Cannot Advocate for Themselves, Their Attorney Becomes Their Voice
Not every client walks into our office ready to fight. Many of them have spent years in situations where their voice was minimized, dismissed, or simply exhausted by conflict. Telling them to “stand up for themselves” is not guidance. It is pressure they do not need.
Our job is to carry that weight for them.
If a direct conversation between clients is going to create more damage than resolution, we take it off the table. Attorneys talk to attorneys. If that does not work, we move to mediation, often with a retired judge who brings both the experience and the authority to move things forward. And when we are building agreements, we think ahead: if this client struggles with being pushed around, we structure the agreement to reduce the need for ongoing direct conflict wherever we can.
Knowledge, in this work, is one of the most powerful tools we give people. Understanding what the law says, what your rights are, and what realistic outcomes look like changes how people show up for themselves. That is why our firm puts such emphasis on educating clients through every stage of the process.
How Family Law Has Changed Over the Past 16 Years
In 16 years of practice, I have watched family law evolve in ways I could not have predicted at the start of my career.
COVID reshaped everything. With remote work came more flexible parenting schedules. Parents who once could not make a school pickup now can. Our courts went hybrid. The parenting agreements we craft today look fundamentally different from those of a decade ago, and in many ways, they are better for it.
We are also seeing a meaningful shift in how gender plays into financial dynamics. More women are the primary breadwinners in their marriages. That changes how assets are divided, how support is calculated, and sometimes, how people emotionally process the outcome. The law does not distinguish by gender, and neither do we. But it does mean that the assumptions clients walk in with do not always match the reality they are walking toward. Part of our job is bridging that gap honestly.
On the professional side, more women are graduating law school, entering the field, and building careers in family law. That is not a trend. That is a transformation. At Anderson Boback & Marshall, we are proud that our entire team of attorneys reflects this shift.
Family Law Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint: How to Run It
The most important thing I tell clients, especially those just beginning this process, is that family law is a marathon, not a sprint.
The court system moves slowly. Cases can take turns no one anticipates. And the impulse to fight for control over every decision, every dollar, every detail is understandable but also one of the most expensive traps people fall into.
Here is what I have seen hold true again and again: an agreement you are a little unhappy with is almost always better than a judgment you had no part in shaping. When people participate in building their own resolution, they are more likely to live with it. When a judge decides for you, a stranger who has heard you testify for a few hours and is now deciding the trajectory of your life, the outcome can feel impossible to accept.
Where there is any path toward agreement, we pursue it. And when litigation is the only option, we litigate with everything we have.
Why Women in Family Law Make a Lasting Difference for Clients
People go to law school because they want to help people. In family law, you get to do exactly that. You see it in the client who finally feels financially stable, in the parent who gets to stay in their child’s life, in the person who was completely overwhelmed and is now, step by step, finding their footing again.
That is why so many of us chose this field. And it is why, at a restaurant on a Wednesday night, two family law attorneys will talk about their clients with the kind of passion that keeps a couple at the table until midnight.
We genuinely care. That is the whole point of why we practice.
Jessica Marshall is the Managing Partner of Anderson Boback & Marshall, a boutique family law firm in Chicago. With over 16 years of experience in high-stakes divorce, custody, and post-decree matters, she is recognized among Illinois’s leading family law attorneys and has been named to the 2026 Illinois Super Lawyers list.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What are the advantages of hiring a female family law attorney?
Female family law attorneys often bring a combination of empathy, attentiveness, and strategic thinking that strengthens case preparation. They tend to listen for both stated and unstated details, which helps build a more complete picture of a client’s situation. These qualities are especially valuable in high-conflict divorce and custody cases where emotional intelligence directly impacts outcomes.
Does a compassionate attorney still fight hard in court?
Compassion and strong advocacy are not opposites. A compassionate attorney understands what their client is going through, which helps them identify the issues that matter most and prepare strategically for litigation. Empathy fuels preparation, and preparation wins cases.
How has family law changed since COVID?
COVID introduced remote work, hybrid court proceedings, and more flexible parenting time schedules. Parents who previously could not participate in daily routines now have more options. As a result, modern parenting agreements look significantly different from those written even five years ago.
Is it better to settle a divorce or go to trial?
In most cases, a negotiated agreement is better than a court-imposed judgment. When you participate in shaping your own resolution, you are more likely to accept and follow through on the terms. A judge who hears a few hours of testimony has limited insight into your family’s dynamics. Wherever possible, experienced Chicago divorce attorneys pursue settlement first and litigate only when necessary.
Why does Anderson Boback & Marshall have an all-women attorney team?
Anderson Boback & Marshall’s all-women team reflects a broader shift in family law, where more women are entering and leading the field. The firm’s attorneys bring diverse experience in complex divorce, custody, and financial matters. Each attorney combines professional expertise with the kind of genuine care and attentiveness that helps clients feel supported during an extremely difficult time.
